No Tree

There will be no Christmas Tree here at Off Colfax World Headquarters.

Nor has there been in a while.

The answer is simple: the tree would not remain intact for longer than 48 hours.

First, Buffy, in all her glorious klutz-itude, would climb up it and cause the tree to overbalance severely, causing the tree to collapse into a sad heap of branches and twinkling lights causing the other two to come to either a) see what's going on or b) laugh at her silly butt which causes c) a massive cat fight that, in the midst of the three-cat furball, dumps the water reservoir onto all three cats, causing much insult and injury to their pride. Not to mention the carpet.

Then, once we clumsy humans upright their new plaything, Alice would get herself stuck somewhere in the smaller branches, causing the other two to come and either a) see what's going on or b) laugh at her silly butt, both of which would cause c) a massive cat fight which permanently removes the branches that we specifically chose the tree for, as they would be perfect places to hang certain ornaments that either of us have sentimental appreciation for.

Then Wendy will see all the shiny ornament balls and, thinking that there's a cat in there that is invading her territory, go immediately into ferocious attack-mode, causing much mayhem all by herself. The resulting noise will attract the other two who would either a) try to see what's going on or b) laugh at her silly butt, which would yet again cause c) a massive cat fight that permanently removes the branches we chose as substitute branches for the ornaments we wanted to hang on the first branches.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

My roommate and I haven't had a tree since 2004. The poor tree is going to die anyways. Why should we torture it to death in the meantime?