26 April, 2007

Got Leech?

This is probably one of the most disturbing Public Service Announcements I have ever seen.

I predict this will have the same effectiveness as when your parents asked you "If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it?"

Of course, that question always had the same answer. "I dunno. I guess."

Impressionable youngsters will always have a cavalier viewpoint regarding stupid things, regardless of whether those stupid things be drugs, extreme sports, gasoline cans, or sticking leeches on themselves. Simply calling it stupid doesn't do a bit of good, as most kids have not yet reached their age of mortality.

The young know they're going to live forever.

Older folks (meaning those past the font of wisdom that generally comes after turning 25 or so) know their mortality all too well.

So while pointing out the stupidness of various activities might seem to be a good thing from an adult/mortality-aware perspective, the simple act of pointing out the stupidest things that a young person could do will only accomplish one thing: make them wonder what all the fuss is about. Which will cause, I believe, only an increase in interest as to precisely what the heck all these old farts are babbling about which, in turn, provides for an increase in those attempting said stupid things. (NOTE: I believe this to be true. I have absolutely zero concrete evidence to back up this belief. Please read this parenthetical comment as a disclaimer to that effect.)

Listening to my adult nature, I see this advertisement and think "Damn. That's some pretty good thinking on their part. Kudos to Above The Influence."

Listening to my inner kid, I see this advertisement and think "Cool! I wonder where I can get leeches at 8:30 on a weekday!"

22 April, 2007

Going After Ben & Jerry's

I have a problem here.

Everything that keeps infuriating me keeps going away, never to bother me again.

Shenanigans with the Department of Justice, going over the heads of Senators to appoint political hacks to represent the United States in a court of law? One bite. No worries.

24/7 coverage of Virginia Tech students with microphones shoved up their noses, constantly reminding them of exactly what they need to put behind them? One bite. Not a problem.

I get laid off on Sunday? One bite. Big deal.

Ben & Jerry's new Vermonty Python flavor is ruining my blogging career. How can I be outraged and constantly bloviate with this wonderful luscious wonderful...

Excuse me. My pint just ran out. Life sucks again.


Yes! Success! Alleluia! Enough for one more spoonful!

Life is good.

(I really do get laid off on the 29th. In which case, I won't be able to afford any more B&J to keep me in bliss. More details to follow.)

20 April, 2007

In A Word...

America: Do you really need caffeinated soap?
Do you really need to wash with something that gives you a stimulant intake to two cups of coffee?
Meanwhile, I'm totally patenting my idea for a fine caffeinated foam you spray on laptop keyboards so we absorb stimulants in direct proportion to how hard we're working.

This has been an episode of Stupid Answers To Stu... Wait, I can't use that anymore. It's someone else's intellectual property.

12 April, 2007

Stop! Thief!

It doesn't matter what intellectual field you are in. Professor. (Ward Churchill) Columnist. (Ann Coultier) And now artist Todd Goldman.

Plagiarism is wrong. Period. Ad infinitum. Ad astra. Ad nauseum.

And this goes beyond just one isolated incident. Also, this is a man who depends on his notoriety to drive sales. Remember the "Boys Are Stupid" shirt controversy? Same guy.

Refuse to purchase anything produced by David And Goliath.

Talentless hacks depend on the gullibility of the public in order to make a living. So let's cut his off at the root.

[Turn Signal: Two Lumps]

10 April, 2007

I Am Seriously In Trouble

I've been single for... Well, let's just say that, to remember my last relationship, even God would have to look it up in a reference book.

John Tierney's latest column fails to inflate my optimism.
They found that a 5-foot-8 man was just as successful in getting dates as a 6-footer if he made more money — precisely $146,000 a year more. For a 5-foot-2 man, the number was $277,000.
I'm 5-foot-4. Which, by extrapolation, would mean I need another $240k per annum.

Yup. Ain't gonna happen any time soon.

But at least I'll always have the Internet. Even though the last panel of this strip sums up my life rather well.

[Turn Signal: You Know Who]

09 April, 2007

Home Run

Jeff "Goldmember" Goldstein hits one into the upper deck.
That blacks trend overwhelmingly against same-sex marriage—and tend to view homosexuals with distrust, if we are to take the anecdotal evidence presented here as remotely reliable—is an uncomfortable problem for progressives who push identity politics—particularly given that their support of gay rights is often framed as a civil rights struggle (when what is it as issue is dispute over policy, not dispute over civil “rights"). Which makes it unsurprising that the tension between blacks and activist gays is something that identity politics proponents would just as soon ignore, provided they can maintain the black vote and rely upon black pastors to spread the gospel of Democratic party politics, even if the trade off is a certain social bigotry, presented in the trappings of “conservative” religious practice, against another interest group securely in the pocket of the Democrats.

George Bush was vilified for appearing at Bob Jones University—the idea being that his appearing at a private conservative Christian university meant he necessarily supported (even if it was only with a wink and a nod) all of their social policies, and so could be painted with a racist, “Christianist” brush. Which is why we heard so much about what “lessons” we were to draw from Bush’s stumping at a school that had a ban on interracial dating (a ban it lifted in the wake of Bush’s visit).

Yet we seldom hear the same kind of criticism from “progressives” when Democratic politicians visit black Baptist churches. Are Bill and Hillary anti-gay? Is Edwards?

Thank every deity known to man that I agree with Jeff on this one. 'Cause I'll be damned if I could argue against it.

And every single Democratic strategist out there should be down on their knees, praying that Goldstein is never part of a national campaign. With thoughts like this, it would prove difficult for their 2008 aspirations if they have to argue against this every single day for 18 months straight.

04 April, 2007


I think I have a new entry in the "Go Straight" blogroll cat-egory.

The humor is lowbrow. Very lowbrow. Hell, it's so lowbrow, it's practically mustache humor. Maybe even goatee. Might end up as low as bikini wax humor.

Should go over awesome with more than one of you.

Check out I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER for yourselves.

[EDIT: 04.04.07 0131] I'm still clicking through the "Previous posts" buttons and... I can't stop laughing.