Crime And PUNishment

There should be a law against bad puns.

Or at least a lawsuit alleging wanton disregard for the sanity of others.

Hmmm?

Mingle² - Online Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• death (2x)
• drugs (1x)

Hmmm... Interesting. Very stupid. But interesting.

[Turn Signal: Proph]

To Dad

Over the years, I've learned many things about myself. Most of them negative.

I am a loser.

I am an idiot, a moron and a fool.

I am a screw-up, a flake.

I am a geek, a dork, a spaz, and a nerd.

I couldn't do something right even if I bribed it in advance.

I am the living embodiment of Murphy's Law.

And yet...

I am loved.

So to the man who has supported me through thick and thin and really thin, who encouraged me when I had none left inside me, who pushed me to be better than I thought I could be, who never let me forget that I am his son regardless of the shambles my life was for many a year...

Thank you.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

/em Rolls His Eyes

[insert snort of derisive indignation]

Supporters of a Democratic congressman charged with bribery and money laundering harkened to their civil rights days on Wednesday as they denounced the allegations against U.S. Rep. William Jefferson.

The group, including ministers and the president of the local chapter of the NAACP, alleged the 16-count corruption indictment was the work of a Republican White House and Justice Department scheming to target black Democratic leaders and shift attention from legal troubles of Republican congressmen.

"When it's all over, Bill Jefferson will stand up like Booker T. Washington and George Washington Carver. He will stand up in the South and he will be victorious," said the Rev. Samson "Skip" Alexander.

Yeah. That's a defense I'll buy. "It wasn't him! It was those evil other people that don't like us! And they're doing it to keep people from looking at their own evil things! It is a con-spi-ra-cy!"

Rabid partisanship at work. And the bloody-shirt-waving in that third graf is so sad that it is almost hilarious. Attempting to pin Jefferson's much-tarnished name into the same sentence as two highly respectable individuals, those who stood and fought and suffered and sacrificed in the name of individual liberty, is an insult unto their memory and legacy. Yet it seems to be a constant effort to invoke the specter of racism whenever possible, regardless of how despicable many of us find such a strategy to be.

Washington asked the audience to give Jefferson the benefit of the doubt, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Yup. And he has it. Just the same as O.J. Simpson still has the presumption of innocence. But I certainly will not call it a travesty of justice when he is found guilty.

But here's the money quote:

Sitawi Jahi, a 54-year-old youth development program director, said he came "to gather facts." But he said his confidence in Jefferson was strained by some of the evidence, in particular an allegation the FBI found $90,000 in bribe money in the congressman's freezer.

"That's hard to explain," he said.

Very hard to explain. He forgot the word "very" in there. And that exact piece of evidence is precisely what will convince a jury beyond reasonable doubt, especially when it follows the video of him receiving said bribe money.

Personally, I'm wondering if there's a betting pool on how much prison time good ol' Dollar Bill will get after all this is over. I wouldn't mind tossing a sawbuck on the 61 month square.

The Off Colfax Movie Soundtrack

Via Jane.

The rules:

1. Open your media player of choice.
2. Load every song you have.
3. Put it on shuffle.
4. For each question, type the song that is playing.
5. Next question, next song.
6. Be honest. Don't fib just to not sound like a dork.
   

Okay. Fine. But I'll skip over repeat artists. Otherwise, there'd probably be a lot of the same people on here.

Opening Credits: Das Ich - Unschuld Erde (Funker Vogt remix)
Waking Up: MC Lars - Straight Outta Stockholm
First Day At School: Jimmy Eat World - A Praise Chorus
Falling In Love: Chris Isaac - Wicked Game
Breaking Up: Wolfsheim - I Don't Love You Anymore
Prom: Savage Garden - I Want You
Life's Okay: They Might Be Giants - Istanbul, Not Constantinople
Mental Breakdown: Gin Blossoms - Lost Horizons
Driving: Information Society - (Tell Me) What's On Your Mind
Flashback: Lisa Loeb - Stay
Getting Back Together: Incubus Succubus - Love Spell
Wedding: The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Birth Of A Child: ZZ Top - Tush
Final Battle: Epsilon Minus - Just Another Long Shot
Death Scene: Dropkick Murphys - The Legend Of Finn Maccumhail
Funeral Song: Beborn Beton - Another World
End Credits: Dead Milkmen - Bitchin' Camaro

I promise. Those are my actual, unadulterated results. WinAmp officially loves me! Why? A baby being born to "Tush"? Classic for a comedy. A death scene featuring a song about a guy that got his army gloriously massacred? Priceless. Exchanging rings to the words "If a double-decker bus/Kills the both of us/To die by your side/The honor and the privilege is mine"? I could actually see doing that one in real life! (Aside from the fact that I can't actually see me, ya know, actually getting married in the first place.) And if you ever heard the Gin Blossoms song, you'd know exactly why it is absolutely perfect for a mental breakdown. "Drink enough of anything/To make this world look new again."

I really couldn't have had a better list if I cheated and handpicked the perfect songs manually. But if I had, those perfect songs would be the following:

Opening Credits: Deep Forest - Sweet Lullaby
Waking Up: Less Than Jake - Modern World
First Day Of School: The Smiths - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
Falling In Love: Sarina Paris - Baby Look At Us Now
Breaking Up: Rusted Root - Beautiful People
Prom: Fictional - Blue Lights
Life's Okay: Riddlin' Kids - I Feel Fine
Mental Breakdown: Blues Traveler - Mountain Cry
Driving: Darude - Sandstorm (JS16 mix)
Flashback: R.E.M. - Try Not To Breathe
Getting Back Together: Reliant K - High Of 75
Wedding: Funker Vogt - Für Dich
Birth Of A Child: Devo - Beautiful World
Final Battle: Nebula H - Twilight Zone (Feat. Dirk Ivens)
Death Scene: Dream Academy - Life In A Northern Town
Funeral Song: U2 - Where The Streets Have No Name
End Credits: 10,000 Maniacs - Stockton Gala Days

Different choices leading to different results leading to different emotive processes leading to different cinematics. But either list could very easily work.

Well. Maybe not Bitchin' Camaro at the end. That'd be more of an opening credits song, don'tcha think?

Best Comment Of The Day

In response to this:

I think this would be the only instance one can say, "The lions dominated the first half, but Buffalo came back for the victory."

--- Ryan at Jane Galt's place

I'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time. Otherwise, my cats would have been seriously peeved.

And Another One Gone

I know. I should be blogging about the utter and complete human torture that any unfortunate soul seeking employment at one of the nation's airports must endure. But this is more important than my running around like acephalous poultry and jumping through bureaucratic hoops.

The title of this MSNBC article says it all.

Congressman indicted in bribery investigation

La. Democrat also accused of corruption; cash found in freezer in raid

Finally. In a 94-page, 280-paragraph, 15-count indictment issued today (Large PDF warning.), Congressman William Jefferson is closer to his day in court where he will be judged by a jury of his peers.

And, as you could probably tell from my past writings on the subject, I would be far from the ideal juror for the defense. Which means that it is a good thing that I have less chance of getting a jury notice for this case than I have of flying to the moon for a grilled cheese sandwich, for even if I consider him to be guilty as sin (And much less appealing than a good set of sinning, by the by.) he is still entitled to his fair trial.

Yet now that Jefferson has been indicted, Speaker Pelosi is moving to strip him of what little power he got in the committee assignments: his seat on the Small Business Committee and two of its subcommittees. And this time, the Congressional Black Caucus does not have a leg to stand on to protest his removal. This story from last year told the tale of the tape.

A drive by the Democratic leadership to strip embattled Rep. William Jefferson of his committee post triggered a backlash Thursday as the Congressional Black Caucus opposed the move and said the Louisianan deserves a "presumption of innocence."

The caucus chairman, Rep. Melvin Watt of North Carolina, told reporters that some black voters might ask why action was sought against "a black member of Congress" when there was neither precedent nor rule for it.

Jefferson has not been indicted and has denied all wrongdoing in connection with a federal bribery investigation that has netted two convictions. He has rebuffed repeated calls from Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi and others to step aside until any involvement is clarified.

Well. Now he has been indicted in a federal bribery investigation that has netted two convictions. And it is time to treat him precisely the way that we wanted Tom DeLay and Duke Cunningham treated. (Read: thrown out of the House so hard they break Mach.) Now there is precedent for it. Now there is rule for it.

And thus is born Nancy Pelosi's first true test of whether or not this will be "the most ethical Congress in history." Will she violate her promise? Or will she tell the CBC that sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander? Because if she doesn't do the right thing and instead gives Dollar Bill the same public pass that she gave Murtha's volcanic 'cross-the-aisle eruption and Mollohan's "temporary voluntary suspension" from the Ethics Committee, then there will be problems. Those two involved earmarks. This involves one heck of a lot more than just earmarks. This wasn't a shade-of-dark-gray incidental enrichment and/or insider real estate deals. This is flat-out criminal action and should be treated as such.

And if Nancy whiffs this one, then I might not just be bashing Congressional Democrats.

I might just run against one.

[UPDATE: 1838 06.04.07] That Politico intar-tube thingamabobber shows us that Minority Leader Boehner will place a motion on the floor, and one that will remove Jefferson from the House entirely. It would have been better if a) he'd done that against Cunningham or b) Pelosi did it first. But I'll take it as it comes. [Turn Signal: The Army Of One David aka Instapundit]

Hopefully His Foot Tastes Good

... because it is well and truly planted in his mouth. Brackets mine.

"First responders in Colorado have recently provided critical services in the face of blizzards and tornados," added Allard [R-CO, Retiring]. "Since I don’t think first responders have really done anything significant in comparison to their counterparts who have dealt with real natural disasters, I have no idea what else to say here…"

Explanation: Spokesman and staffer were trying to come up with more text for the senator's non-quote, and were just joking around. And then the joke was accidentally included in the main text of the release.

And people call bloggers amateurs because we don't have an editing process... Sheeesh.

[Turn Signal: TPM via Kos]

On a side note, Colorado Confidential is one of the better sources of muckraking for those of up here in the rarefied air. With professional journalists from the Rocky Mountain News and 5280 Magazine on the site, as well as the Wash Park Prophet himself, it has become everything that Mike Zinna's now mostly defunct Colorado Exposed was supposed to be and never was. Keep swinging for the bleachers, CC!

Shorter Than I Thought

The last time I became unemployed, it was a 5-month gap between times where I was making an honest living. And that, I can tell you, was a serious strain on everyone and everything involved.

This time, it looks to be about 5 weeks.

I had an interview out at the airport today at 1 in the afternoon. Two hours later, I had a formal job offer in my hot little hand, complete with $2/hour more than I was making plus a free bus pass after 60 days and full benefits after 90. The only piece of the puzzle I have to wait on is the standard Transportation Security Agency screening process, aka the jumping of bureaucratic hoops.

So if you've ever wondered what a first-hand account of the hell-in-triplicate known as the Department of Homeland Security looks like, that just might be the subject of a post on Monday. Assuming, of course, I survive the process.

I hear it involves kissing the foot of a goat while bathing in calf's milk and swearing abject devotion to Insert Political Leader Here, but that's probably just a rumor. Then again, this is a bureaucracy, so they just might have goats available.

Who knows?

In the meantime, here is some catblogging by dawnlight.



A red dawn really brings out her highlights. And, seeing as how she knows that all humans are wrapped around her dewclaw in sheer abject worship of her beauty, Wendy gets supermodel serious whenever she sees a camera pointed in her direction.