Got Leech?

This is probably one of the most disturbing Public Service Announcements I have ever seen.



I predict this will have the same effectiveness as when your parents asked you "If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do it?"

Of course, that question always had the same answer. "I dunno. I guess."

Impressionable youngsters will always have a cavalier viewpoint regarding stupid things, regardless of whether those stupid things be drugs, extreme sports, gasoline cans, or sticking leeches on themselves. Simply calling it stupid doesn't do a bit of good, as most kids have not yet reached their age of mortality.

The young know they're going to live forever.

Older folks (meaning those past the font of wisdom that generally comes after turning 25 or so) know their mortality all too well.

So while pointing out the stupidness of various activities might seem to be a good thing from an adult/mortality-aware perspective, the simple act of pointing out the stupidest things that a young person could do will only accomplish one thing: make them wonder what all the fuss is about. Which will cause, I believe, only an increase in interest as to precisely what the heck all these old farts are babbling about which, in turn, provides for an increase in those attempting said stupid things. (NOTE: I believe this to be true. I have absolutely zero concrete evidence to back up this belief. Please read this parenthetical comment as a disclaimer to that effect.)

Listening to my adult nature, I see this advertisement and think "Damn. That's some pretty good thinking on their part. Kudos to Above The Influence."

Listening to my inner kid, I see this advertisement and think "Cool! I wonder where I can get leeches at 8:30 on a weekday!"

Going After Ben & Jerry's

I have a problem here.

Everything that keeps infuriating me keeps going away, never to bother me again.

Shenanigans with the Department of Justice, going over the heads of Senators to appoint political hacks to represent the United States in a court of law? One bite. No worries.

24/7 coverage of Virginia Tech students with microphones shoved up their noses, constantly reminding them of exactly what they need to put behind them? One bite. Not a problem.

I get laid off on Sunday? One bite. Big deal.

Ben & Jerry's new Vermonty Python flavor is ruining my blogging career. How can I be outraged and constantly bloviate with this wonderful luscious wonderful...

Excuse me. My pint just ran out. Life sucks again.

Unless...

Yes! Success! Alleluia! Enough for one more spoonful!

Life is good.

(I really do get laid off on the 29th. In which case, I won't be able to afford any more B&J to keep me in bliss. More details to follow.)

In A Word...

Ezra:

America: Do you really need caffeinated soap?

YES!

Do you really need to wash with something that gives you a stimulant intake to two cups of coffee?

YES!

Meanwhile, I'm totally patenting my idea for a fine caffeinated foam you spray on laptop keyboards so we absorb stimulants in direct proportion to how hard we're working.

YES!!!

This has been an episode of Stupid Answers To Stu... Wait, I can't use that anymore. It's someone else's intellectual property.

Stop! Thief!

It doesn't matter what intellectual field you are in. Professor. (Ward Churchill) Columnist. (Ann Coultier) And now artist Todd Goldman.

Plagiarism is wrong. Period. Ad infinitum. Ad astra. Ad nauseum.

And this goes beyond just one isolated incident. Also, this is a man who depends on his notoriety to drive sales. Remember the "Boys Are Stupid" shirt controversy? Same guy.

Refuse to purchase anything produced by David And Goliath.

Talentless hacks depend on the gullibility of the public in order to make a living. So let's cut his off at the root.

[Turn Signal: Two Lumps]

I Am Seriously In Trouble

I've been single for... Well, let's just say that, to remember my last relationship, even God would have to look it up in a reference book.

John Tierney's latest column fails to inflate my optimism.

They found that a 5-foot-8 man was just as successful in getting dates as a 6-footer if he made more money — precisely $146,000 a year more. For a 5-foot-2 man, the number was $277,000.

I'm 5-foot-4. Which, by extrapolation, would mean I need another $240k per annum.

Yup. Ain't gonna happen any time soon.

But at least I'll always have the Internet. Even though the last panel of this strip sums up my life rather well.

[Turn Signal: You Know Who]

Home Run

Jeff "Goldmember" Goldstein hits one into the upper deck.

That blacks trend overwhelmingly against same-sex marriage—and tend to view homosexuals with distrust, if we are to take the anecdotal evidence presented here as remotely reliable—is an uncomfortable problem for progressives who push identity politics—particularly given that their support of gay rights is often framed as a civil rights struggle (when what is it as issue is dispute over policy, not dispute over civil “rights"). Which makes it unsurprising that the tension between blacks and activist gays is something that identity politics proponents would just as soon ignore, provided they can maintain the black vote and rely upon black pastors to spread the gospel of Democratic party politics, even if the trade off is a certain social bigotry, presented in the trappings of “conservative” religious practice, against another interest group securely in the pocket of the Democrats.

George Bush was vilified for appearing at Bob Jones University—the idea being that his appearing at a private conservative Christian university meant he necessarily supported (even if it was only with a wink and a nod) all of their social policies, and so could be painted with a racist, “Christianist” brush. Which is why we heard so much about what “lessons” we were to draw from Bush’s stumping at a school that had a ban on interracial dating (a ban it lifted in the wake of Bush’s visit).

Yet we seldom hear the same kind of criticism from “progressives” when Democratic politicians visit black Baptist churches. Are Bill and Hillary anti-gay? Is Edwards?

Thank every deity known to man that I agree with Jeff on this one. 'Cause I'll be damned if I could argue against it.

And every single Democratic strategist out there should be down on their knees, praying that Goldstein is never part of a national campaign. With thoughts like this, it would prove difficult for their 2008 aspirations if they have to argue against this every single day for 18 months straight.

N1NJ4 K1TT3NZ

I think I have a new entry in the "Go Straight" blogroll cat-egory.


The humor is lowbrow. Very lowbrow. Hell, it's so lowbrow, it's practically mustache humor. Maybe even goatee. Might end up as low as bikini wax humor.

Should go over awesome with more than one of you.

Check out I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER for yourselves.

[EDIT: 04.04.07 0131] I'm still clicking through the "Previous posts" buttons and... I can't stop laughing.

No Comment Needed

Just read Proph's post from yesterday.

Presented without comment.

CENSORED

There are times when my refusal to be vulgar on this blog are more than just highly constrictive.

This is one of those times.

But I'm not. I'm at home, with the doors locked, terrified. For the last four weeks, I've been getting death threat comments on this blog. But that's not what pushed me over the edge. What finally did it was some disturbing threats of violence and sex posted on two other blogs... blogs authored and/or owned by a group that includes prominent bloggers.

Please continue to read Kathy's post on your own time.

But turn your attention specifically to this:

It's the threat that causes fear.

It's the threat that leads you to a psychiatrist and tranquilizers just so you can sleep without repeating the endless loop of your death by:

* throat slitting
* hanging
* suffocation
and don't forget the sexual part...

I have cancelled all speaking engagements.

I am afraid to leave my yard.

I will never feel the same. I will never be the same.

I am beyond angry. Beyond furious. Even beyond volcanic explosions of wrath, and gore, and destruction, and chaos, descending upon the heads of these unrighteous pigs that debase the very name of humanity by continuing to possess basic metabolic functions.

No. Instead I've gone to the dangerous place, where everything is calm while the storm rages around you, of it yet not in it.

So to those who find these things to be not vile, not inexcusable, not reprehensible, not a debasement of the foundation of our culture, I have only one thing to say:

Let that which you have done to others be visited upon you, threefold times threefold.

Carpe jugulum.

Can't See The Forest For The Woodwinds

I've just found my second "Bash The Local Democrats" moment of the year. Emphases mine.

A Republican lawmaker urged colleagues to adopt rigorous math and science high school graduation requirements Thursday - or watch Colorado youngsters lose a global race for high-paying tech jobs.

"The world is rapidly shifting to a technology-based economy, and if we don't meet the challenge, our kids will be left behind," Rep. Rob Witwer, R-Genessee, warned the House Education Committee.
...
Witwer and co-sponsor Sen. Josh Penry, R-Fruita, had attempted to gain support of skeptical Democrats by scaling back Senate Bill 131.

Instead of requiring four years of math to graduate, they asked for three years of math and science. The bill also would have allowed sophomores who test well on those subjects to opt out of junior- and senior-year math and science courses.
...
Committee Chairman Michael Merrifield, a former music teacher, opposed the bill, saying it would create an unbalanced educational system by robbing funding and students' time for liberal arts instruction.

For those of you in the Denver area, the loud sound you just heard was me yelling obscenities at my monitor. For those not in the area... Well, sound travels slowly, so it'll get to you later on.

Three years of math classes is not a difficult step to take. I had to endure those in the abysmal educational system of California. Three years of science classes is not a difficult step to take. I had to endure those in the abysmal educational system of California. And an option to pare it down to two years? Even less strenuous.

And what does Mr. Merrifield do? He shoots it down by saying it doesn't leave enough time for the "liberal arts"? Or, as the Denver Public Schools call them "elective studies"? The same DPS that already requires that minimum level for science and math coursework from their graduates? And the same DPS that overall ranks "at or above" the state average? (And to Denverites, that is either a welcome sign or a very scary concept.)

I believe it is time for Mr. Merrifield to turn his ears away from his beloved music classes and face a different music. I went through the same basic years of instruction that Mr. Witwer wants here in Colorado, and I still can't do college high-level math or science courses. I've even had a few extra pieces of coursework thrown in for good measure. I can hang on by sheer stubbornness and eke out a C (If I'm lucky. Which is exactly what I was when I accidentally took Medical Microbiology, the pre-med requirement, instead of Introductory Microbiology thanks to kicking the section number during registration. When you celebrate getting a D on a midterm, you know it's a tough class. Don't laugh.), but I can't truly understand them. And I fall pretty much at the average of the pack when it comes to my understanding of the "liberal arts" as I was well-grounded from my high school classes in theatre, music appreciation, and pottery.

(You're laughing, aren't you. Fine. In that midterm I mentioned, the grade spread was 1 A, 1 B, 7 Cs, 5 Ds, and 17 Fs. So getting a D was ahead of the curve, thank you very much.) (Oh. You're laughing because of the pottery class. Okay. Go ahead and laugh.)

A broad understanding of science and math are just as important as a broad liberal-arts background. Liberal arts shows us how rich our society is. Science and math are how our society got to be so rich.

Given my druthers, I'll pick science and math. Being able to understand is important, but not quite as important as being able to contribute.

And Mr. Merrifield shows that he just doesn't get it.

"My contention is by forcing every child into this narrow curriculum, we are not making them more innovative, we are not making them more creative," the Colorado Springs Democrat said, citing a national report that calls a well-rounded education the "passport to a job in which creativity and innovation are the key to a good life."

Mr. Merrifield? Continuing the lack of emphasis in science and math is not going to get kids those kinds of jobs in the future. In order to be creative and innovative in a field, you first need to have a thorough understanding of the base concepts. Only then can you see what is innovative versus what is ordinary.

So unless we want people to be innovative in the field of "liberal arts", I suggest we widen our horizons just a smidgen.

[Turn Signal: Grandmaster Jeffy G]

I Hope You Know That This Will Go Down On Your Permanent Record

[Title courtesy of the Violent Femmes]

This morning, Tony Snow failed his class in Constitutional scholarship.

The executive branch is under no compulsion to testify to Congress, because Congress in fact doesn't have oversight ability.

Someone should do some more research outside of the White House before spouting off.

In 1927, the Court found that, in investigating the administration of the Department of Justice, Congress was considering a subject “on which legislation could be had or would be materially aided by the information which the investigation was calculated to elicit.”
[Citing McGrain v Daugherty, 273 U.S. 135]

Congress has the power of oversight. It is simple. In order to make legislation, it must be able to ascertain the facts of the matter. And in order to make legislation that affects the Executive Branch, which has included the very creation of the Department of Justice, it must be able to ensure that it receives the facts of the matter.

Honestly. It took me 5 minutes in Google to find this, and I'm not even a trained attorney. I'm not even a professional researcher or spin jockey. You'd think that, with all the resources of the White House Press Office, someone in there would have found this datum point before Tony Snow looked like an idiot on national television.

Wouldn't you?

Road Rules Redux

This idea just might work.

A new reality TV show in the Middle East has a familiar set-up: Take a group of young adults, put them in an RV and film their every move as they drive across the United States.

But producers threw out out the formula of partying, petty fighting and outrageous physical competitions and instead focused on a loftier goal — trying to bridge the cultural gap between Arabs and Americans.

"On the Road in America" debuted earlier this year on the Saudi Arabian-owned satellite channel MBC. It follows four young Arabs — three men and a woman — as they travel from Washington, D.C., to California to discover the "real" America.
...
Layalina founder Richard Fairbanks, a U.S. ambassador-at-large under President Reagan, said he hopes shows such as "On the Road in America" have something the U.S. government-financed programs do not — credibility.

"I thought the best way to do it was with the private sector and have it appear on media outlets in the region and appeal to people there," Fairbanks said. "I hoped we could produce programming ... that would have a positive impact on critical thinking and show a different view of the United States."

I gotta say it again. This just might work. Why? Because this is private enterprise speaking, not the United States government. These are real Arabs speaking, not Ahmed Chalabi sound-a-likes. Those are real Americans they are speaking with, not State Department bureaucrats. And that's a real satellite station they are using, not a government-run sound machine.

Maybe we can try to do the same thing, only filmed using Americans traveling through the Middle East and to be aired on American television. I know I'd sign up for that trip.

[Turn Signal: Ang]

Simply Stunned

Last May, I had the intense impulse to turn cartwheels after this post got an Instapundit mention after I crossposted over to Creative Destruction.

And now, I've learned that this little blog of mine in general, and this post in specific, was mentioned in (Ready for it?) THE DENVER POST!

And now my cats are looking at me like I'm some sort of raving lunatic. After all, why else would someone be dancing around the apartment, pumping his fists into the air and chanting "Who's your blogging daddy!" repeatedly? Definitive signs of insanity, which should be no surprise to any cat that spends any amount of time with humans.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and do some more cartwheels. Outside, this time, as I don't think the television can take another hard impact. Nor can my knee.

Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken Written

From Megan McArdle, pulling guestblogger duties over at the Insta-place:

Starbucks makes it even worse by overcooking their espresso beans. Anyone drinking burned Starbucks on the assumption that the smoky flavour must mean it carries a real kick--not so, not so. Char grilling is for steaks, not Arabica beans.

I have long held that Starbucks has some of the worst drip coffee on the planet, solely due to the ultra-heavy roasting their beans get. (However, there is a new king of truly awful coffee: Boyds Coffee's Hi-Rev. Absolutely nasty. Even I can't drink the stuff.) And this is precisely the reason. If I wanted something burned to the point of being unrecognizable, I'd order my steak well done.

And seeing as how I like my meat cooked to medium rare, that doesn't happen all that often.

To me, burned tastes bad. It's that simple. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that sees things this way. So, yet again, I will continue to only order a venti no-water chai from my neighborhood Starbucks. For actual coffee-based drinks, I'll keep going to Caribou and Peaberry.

Still Got Nothing

Ever have one of those times when everything just seems blah. Not a specific blah, either. Just blah.

Here I could be commenting on the firing of someone who feels uncomfortable in their own skin, or even John Edwards leading the charge away from the Fox News-sponsored debate in Reno... But when I start typing, all I get is the blah feeling.

But I know how to fix things. Now, all I have is a case of the chuckles from reading through Berkeley Breathed's greatest hits.

Marsupial on the head?

Pear pimples?

Losing your marbles?

Yeah. Exactly.

Maybe I can get over this case of the blahs over the weekend.